I don’t want to go, I can’t eat a whole carrot cake by myself.

13TH April 2016.

Happy Birthday Mo and Jan, 3/4/2016.

Songkran Festival, Sawadee be mine, Happy New Year Thailand.

This last month has been a hoot, so, so much fun I have laughed a few times till me guts hurt, that’s usually a pretty good sign.

With help from Gerry, you could say a guiding hand but I wouldn’t, geez we have seen the sights, from Ao Chalong to Rawi to Nai Yang and back again.

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The month started with stripping fourteen years of antifoul and primer from the hulls, when we got to the glass it was perfect, not a sign of osmosis, onya Bryan Perry, we coated it with two layers of epoxy, six layers of the Hempel epoxy primer to primer primer, four layers of primer primer to antifoul primer and then five coats of antifoul, big two weeks doing that, had Nook, Nok, Ronnie, Nick at it flat out, they are unreal guys, always happy and will do anything to help you, then come 1700 its under the boat for the daily couple of beers or cokes. Then it is a stroll up the steps to the Ponderosa for beers on the deck with Gerry, then the boss lady, Toi, comes along perfectly timed for a change to white wine. This is how a boatyard should be. I have tried doing it on my own a few times, you just get a bit overwhelmed and lost after a while which generally means you get stuff all done.

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Toi and I fibreglassed a new panel to a bulkhead behind the lounge for the inverter relocation, then she got stuck into stripping the floor in the saloon, she is a beauty, I removed all the stainless seacocks and replaced them with new bronze ones, shit job head down arse up in the bilge, glad when two days later that was done.

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I also had a job helping out in the yard, hauling in and out boats, repairing electrical stuff and just generally fixing shit, I would do that job for ever if I could, mucking around with boats is the best fun. We hauled out a bloke called Jack, he had been rescued by the Thai Navy after drifting for five days with no sails, they were rooted and an engine that is much the same. Gerry dragged him up to G&T and we hauled him out, you would not believe the shit that was on this boat, the sad part was that the good shit, a new dinghy and outboard and the box with the disassembled windless were lost overboard, poor bastard, felt sorry for him, helped him a bit but in the end you have to get on with your own stuff. He wasn’t real happy when I suggested he get a skip bin and just chuck all the crap in it, it would have made his life much more organised.

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Meanwhile back at the boat Toi had started on the saloon floor with the polyurethane, ten coats with a sand in between, had to relocate up to one of the chalets, strong smelling stuff, they now have six of them, chalets that is, and they are pretty much fully booked by people staying in the yard.

Freezing cold A/C and the new local mosque couldn’t wake me up, the morning prayer is horror loud, White and Brown, the G&T Boatyard dogs, howl most times but not all the time, perhaps they actually like the sounds, I don’t know.

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The boys are still going on the hulls, I went out to a party with Gerry and some of his mates, it was Happy Ban’s company do, he owns a tourism venture for the Chinese tourists. As I was walking up to the house out pops Gerry in a nice shirt, shorts and thongs, I asked him if I was dressed up enough, Yeah you’ll be right, T-Shirt, shorts and thongs. Jesus wept when we get there everyone is dressed up to the nines, we were greeted by Happy Ban, a quite young and happy man, and shown to the VIP table.

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We had our own hostess who supplied us with whisky and soda and a huge banquet all night long. And so started a fun filled night which ended up in a Jazz bar in a private room with everyone singing Karaoke and a heap of bar girls wanting to come in and ply their trade but there wasn’t any room for them. No one was leaving any time soon. This was one of the occasions I laughed my guts out. Unbelievable. Way to go Gerry. My way, sung with an Oriental twang was definitely the most popular song.

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Next day was a bit dodgy but we had made it home safely with me in charge, in Phuket they have heaps of RBT’s, I drank soda water for a couple of hours and just sat back and laughed, then loaded me mate in and off we went.

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Ended up in Patong one night with Alex, Char and one of their mates, another eye opener and much fun was had. Last time we were there Chris beat some chick at hammering a nail into the wood block, which spun her out.

Next morning, bit hung and riding home on the bike I got pulled over for no helmet, 500baht later I was back on the road with a piece of paper explaining that I had already been busted and to leave me alone for twenty four hours. I had tried to put the helmet on but my head wasn’t the right shape. Bugger.

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Have had some good feeds along the way, The Bang Pae Seafood Restaurant is always good, had some unreal crabs in curry and this smelly stuff called Hamuk, curried fish paste which comes wrapped in a banana leaf, once the smell wears off it is Aloi muk muk.

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Toi has fed me many a time, her pork chops, mashed spud and gravy with mushrooms is deluxe, Gerry does a good lunch with surprising capability, curry sniggers and mash, pies and mash, must be all those years running pubs. We had a big BBQ for Ray when he thought he was leaving, well and truly frogged that night with a few others, nearly a whole bottle downed, unreal ribs done by Toi and cooked to perfection by Nok. Toi is also famous for her carrot cakes, they are filthy.

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Since I have been sweating so much it has been three changes of clothes a day, so I was heading down to Nada’s a fair bit, she is the best laundry lady we have found, it was then that I sampled the other services available, massage, drinks and really good larb moo and a new one called kapow moo, always followed with cold watermelon sliced up. Ratree is my massage queen, unbelievable, I was a massage virgin, had me feet done lots but that’s it, I am hooked, plus she cooks a filthy larb moo, she is a lovely person. Then you have Nada, she is also unreal but don’t play that game with the coloured discs, you can not beat her, even when I cheated she beat me. Her kapow moo is Aloi muk muk and she is also an excellent dude. The two of them and Gee, one of the locals, were my entertainment daily, or perhaps it was the other way around.

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Also had a few good nights up at Nai Yang at Alex and Lek’s Bar with the old gang, Lek is a ripper and gave me the back room a couple of times, then brekkie in the morning. That’s looking after your patrons.

We hit the Suparlai resort up the road for pizza and a swim a few times, five star resort with us the only ones in the pool, just take an esky full of beers, wine and coolies for the kids and buy a couple of pizzas, good value.

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Back at the boat, Toi and I wet sanded the Polyurethane, looks and feels like glass when you are finished and she started the long process of varnishing, at least ten more coats, the boys have polished the hulls and sanded the sail drives back to metal, primed and painted them, I finally relented to Gerry’s gay pleading and gave them back to work on other boats. Caught him sending Nook over to another boat and he took over with the roller doing a primer coat, we had to sand his bit off and do it again, what a wanker. I gave Nook instructions to not let him touch my boat and if he tried too, get hold of me straight away. The word wanker is now being bandied around G&T freely and to my great amusement, when I told the boys what it meant they cracked up and started calling everyone wankers, Toi’s got it rolling of her lips pretty well, she has good reason to.

Went to Nai Harn and who should we run into, Noah and Joe, oh well another blurry morning. Unreal.

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Easter came and for me it hung around, I went MIA from Saturday to Monday. It started with working all day Good Friday, many beers consumed that night and a sleep in. Then Gerry and I had to deliver one of Gerry’s mates, Mike’s, dinghy to the Ao Chalong yacht Club, beers followed, scored a hooting little stainless reef anchor from a bloke who had all his gear out for sale. Then this bloke rolled up and he looked familiar, ended up being Alfie who we met in Penang at the Raja Muda a few years back, he was the horse like myself in the chariot race at Straits Quay, well that didn’t end up so good for him and his passenger, the only time I am likely to beat him at any type of race, I just picked my line and stuck to it, I can still see the crowd booing me and Dunkin Bucket, giving them the finger was pretty funny, a bit like in- sighting a riot. Had a good yack with him, he’s been flogging everyone in the local sailing rounds and training young people to sail in Phuket, he is a good bloke. We left there and headed to a game fishing bar, more of Gerry’s mates, full on fishermen who after showing us a video they have made you know they know there stuff. Next we all went to some other bar, this is when things are becoming hard to remember and a bit blurry, probably due to no food all day and so many Leo’s. Got my arse whipped at pool, although they let me win a couple before they got serious. Gerry was funny as and I remember laughing my guts out to the point of crying, we left there and in the end I bundled Gerry off into a taxi, I wanted to be in town for the 1000 start to the AFL so woke up in the car with the A/C going and quite comfortable, then watched the Dockers get done at the Light House Hotel, then had lunch with Paul down at Rawi, then Bloody Mary’s at Mikes Bar, taught Oi how to make them properly, watched two full games of footy so things were getting a bit out of control again, had a sleep in the car, A/C on and then headed home to G&T a fair few hours later. Made it to Nada’s, had an excellent massage, then Ratree made me larb moo, aloi muk muk, and I think probably my 4th or 5th wind kicked in, it is a good ability to have but sometimes I wonder, ended up the girls tucked me into bed at Nada’s place and that was where I woke at 0900 next day. Got my sorry arse into Gerry’s car and trundled off home to the freezing cold Chalet. Slept till night time then ventured out, I think Toi was a bit pissed at me, Gerry was wrapped he got his car, phone and wallet back all in one piece. That was Easter for me, quite possibly a bit irresponsible and a bit out of character, it was pretty good fun though, haven’t run amuck like that for a while.

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Back at the boat the new Captains seat and SUP cover are back, unreal job, the little wood jobs inside are all done, Toi has given the thumbs up on the saloon floor, it is superb, I don’t want to put carpet on it anymore.

Eck the ex Volvo mechanic helped me extracting the needle bearings out of the saildrives and then replacing them, he is a nice kid, doesn’t make it on time sometimes but he will always get there. From what I saw he is onto it, another mate of Toi’s.

Gerry and I picked up the sails, covers and new window shades from Rolly Taskers, Far out they were under the pump but John came through for me, bargain. Then the customary beer in a bar in Phuket town or Rawi, or Ao Chalong, I am going to miss those little outings, always took my wallet or a pocket full of cash because who knows when you might get home.

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Gerry volunteered to help put the inverter in its new spot, it is pretty heavy, about the weight of a big bag of cement, and it had to go through a hole, then twist upwards, then push back onto the new mounting board and some how get the head of a two inch 10mm coach bolt through a mounting hole, then drill out to rest of them, some swearing, sweating and injuries happened but it got done and it sits there perfectly. The cables were perfect length and it even works.

I went through every cupboard and hidey hole aboard and chucked anything we hadn’t used for a couple of years in a box, I then gave it to the boys, big mistake, I should have given it to them after work, they couldn’t help themselves, caught them in the box twice so in the end I had to shift it. At beer o’clock it was like go for it, everyone trying on shoes, checking out fishing reels, lures, flippers, food, tools you name it. My only stipulation was that the box and everything in it didn’t come back to the boat.

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Another day I was washing the teak out the back when Toi came aboard, she said I should do it her way, which of course involves a frigging sander, I have grown a real distaste to sanders, soon enough up comes the sander, which by the way is Toi’s favourite and most treasured tool, ah perhaps second favourite she is a dab hand with a two inch brush and a pot of varnish as well, and a day later I finished sanding the teak, it looks pretty bloody good. Cheers mate it wouldn’t have got done if you hadn’t started that ball rolling.

Put the table back in the saloon without scratching the floor, harder than it looks and then started to clean up, three days later everything is Rod neat, not quite every thing in it’s place and a place for every thing but good enough.

Wow just caught a fish, little tuna, sashimi for lunch, might go well with salted endami beans and a savvy blanc.

Geez just got another one, this stretch between Koh Roc Nok and Koh Lipe must be good grounds, heaps of boats out here, at night time it is a place to keep an eye out all the time.

Jen arrived back to a pretty clean boat, outside she is glowing but inside well, but the new floor and teak did the job, plus the wine, she was most impressed with it all, Nada even washed all the cushions so they were gleaming as well.

Toi turned on the traditional BBQ, this time we had a slab of pork cooked traditionally, huge pieces of crackle and awesome meat, chicken, and prawns, it ended up being a big night with heaps of people coming to say goodbye, what an excellent send off.

Over the next day or so we had Boomerang back to home again and then we hauled back in, all went smooth as, with little excitement, both engines started and pumped water, no leaking seacocks, genset primed easily, A/C the same and the watermaker was pumping out fifty six litres per hour so went out the front and anchored up. You beauty job done.

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We have got to thank the G&T team, Toi, Gerry, Nok, Nook, Ronnie, Nick, Nim, Pee Bau and the other girls you guys are great, not to many boatyards where you are looking for excuses not to go back in, which is what I was doing in the end over some carpet, my only failure. The boys are onto it and with Toi’s guidance it is a smooth running ship. Toi and Gerry are really good human beings in their own ways and I am so glad I got to meet and know both you guys, Gerry you will always be a wanker. Keep reminding him Toi. Thanks for the carrot cake mate, this other one will last us for ages, joking Gerry you wanker.

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Or and Ing look after your mum and drive papa mad, you are doing a fine job as it is so keep it up. Good luck you guys, I reckon you deserve it.

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Thanks to Ratree and Nada. The Nada Nada Massage, Laundry, Bar and Restaurant was just what I needed, you guys will stick in my memory for a very long time, thanks for looking after me and having so much fun, also to Gee and Scott it was great meeting you guys, I have had enough watching snooker to last me a lifetime.

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Alex and Lek and the staff at Leks Bar Nai Yang, thanks for everything and putting up with me and keeping an eye out. You guys are beauties, hope your hand gets better mate. If anyone who reads this are ever on the way to Phuket airport drop in to Leks Bar for one last Leo, it is the go.

Leks Bar gang, Seppy, Digger, Katie and the girls, it was great to know you.

The local crew, Gordon and Dah, Newy and his wife, I am sorry but I forgot your name again, it is a hardy, Jim and Camera with a T, Rolf and Sally, Ian and Emma and Jack it has been excellent to meet you guys and thanks for the help at the BBQ.

Gerry’s mates Lek, Paul, Happy Ban, Mike Carter and the fishermen thanks for many a Leo session, Horror.

John at Rolly Taskers, thanks for everything, everything fits and looks great.

Now we’ve got something on the prop, hang on. Hunk of fishing net, quick dip cools you down.

That will have to do, this may well be the last time we go to Thailand this lap, so I wish all the people who I met and got to know a really good life and if some day I do get back be sure that I will come looking for you.

 

 

 

 

 

Xmas, New Years and plenty of beers

6th Febuary 2016.

RIP Kiwi Tony who was found deceased on his boat in Nai Harn last month.

I just sussed that this is post 101, hope the previous hundred haven’t bored the shit out of you, I tell you what though I am getting a bit lazy getting pen to paper which means you then have to remember stuff, horror. We had a good send off for Gary Potter aboard his very comfortable yacht, all the Telaga gang were there. From memory there was a bit of Frog consumed.

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Since we have been back I have been thirsty as and it all comes down to our intake of ham. I never much got off on it until a few years ago now it is one of my favourites and it’s not just the eating of it but the preparation for the eating of it that also appeals to me. Baz the butcher in Augusta showed me how to pick a good ham, they need to have a thick, say sixteen to twenty millimetre, (that’s also about three quarters of an inch) layer of white fat over a good portion of the ham, this is usually where the skin is thickest. Just look at the bottom of the ham, you can’t miss it. When you get it home you are always a bit undecided on what to do, shall I just put in the fridge or shall I try it, second option works for me. Cut the thick plastic wrapping and give it a wipe down, the ham I mean, I used to hit the thick bit of skin and fat but now I work my way round from the other side, clearing the skin and fat away in small bits and then with a bloody sharp knife, the small Asian cleavers work a treat, slice away until you reach the next bit of skin, it is almost as much fun as eating it. You must also try bits as they fall away onto the board, don’t chew too loud just hoover as much down as possible and pretend you have only just had a taste, hoovering ham whilst carving is a must. Once you’ve got your pile on the plate, probably ten sandwiches worth, then I go and find one of Jens new pillow slips, dampen it up and stick the ham in it and then put it in the fridge for next time, probably fifteen minutes or so.

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Speaking of pig, Jen was enlisted to cook a roast pork with apple sauce for Xmas day lunch over at the Breakfast Club, John’s joint, where we had been invited for lunch. Needless to say it came out pretty good, about three quarters of the crackle was crackly and the other bit was a bit chewy but there wasn’t any left.

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It was a big day, champers with the Tiggers, then cook the pig with a few gins and vodkas, worked out by putting the temp probe off my Fluke meter I could keep the temperature around 150 degrees, even got a skewer and shoved it into the middle of the lump of meat then extracted it and slid the probe in there as well. I think it might have got a bit hot once or twice but it came out hooting.

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When we got to John’s he wanted to see it and when we took the cover off his eyes lit up, he can be hard to please sometimes, hahahaha.

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With xmas over we were free to go, almost, the Harbour Master was on a four day break for xmas so we had to wait till Monday to get going. Another day in Kuah shopping, bugger. Hows this car at the countdown lights. I gave the Pooton a bit off the line but got thrashed.

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Well we went up to Datai to clean the props and get any barnacles off, not to bad, considering, Prop Gold seems to work heaps better than the other stuff. We sailed to Koh Lanta with one stretch providing us with twenty knots of wind at about seventy degrees and had us sitting on nine to ten knots with a reef in and the heady up, good fun. Made it to Ao Challong the next day, the last ten miles was horror, very uncomfortable and very happy to drop the anchor and get off.

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Clearing in was excellent, the young fella who logs you in remembered us straight away, you now must have an AIS working when you clear at the harbor master, the same immigration bloke from last year so that was easy and customs was a mere formality, very efficient.

We hit a restaurant we went to last year, larb moo all round, not a bad one but have had better, the beers were freezing cold, yen yen, though.

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Got ripped off at the pier with a green mango and spicy sugar out of a cart, paid 40 baht should have been 10, bitch. We got out of there pretty quickly and were anchored up at Nai Harn for the night, had a full on sleep and next day we headed for Patong for New Years Eve. Got our sim cards sussed out, 9GB for 699 baht, about twenty five bucks, pretty good value.

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NYE was on Investigator with Hubert and his family, hooting fireworks that just went on and on and good company to boot. An excellent night all round and the beginning of relaxation, we have no further plans so what will be will be.

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Ended up bolting from Patong before the Jet ski kimikasi’s got into full swing and headed up to Nai Yang to nice clear water, a few waves and heaps of squid.

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Have caught up with Manny, an excellent Barrow Island gang member, we had the best mob of workers we reckon in our time out there. He was flying around in a rib with twin 175’s on it, very flash.

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Nai Yang has really good markets, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday, with fresh fruit and veges, if you get there early good fish, you can buy larb moo and lard quack (our word for duck) takeaway for like 40 baht, pork on a stick 10 baht a pop and when your finished icy cold beers at the bar for 37 baht, pile all your stuff into a tuk tuk, driven by Witt or Carl the blind Tuk Tuk driver, blind in both senses just depends on how late it is, then be delivered to the beach for 50 baht. The best value this year is passionfruit, 130 baht a kilo, I have eaten so many of my favourite fruit, best effort was twelve in one sitting, just couldn’t stop, geez the macerator makes some horror noise the next day. Thought the old dunny had shit itself one day so started to pull it to bits, luckily I found a fish stuck up in the inlet to the water pump, sheww.

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Sonnet is here again and it has been great catching up with Alex and his girlfriend Char, she is and excellent cook and coming from Esaan she is an excellent proponent at larb moo. Have had some filthy feasts on Sonnet that are hot going in and pretty much the same coming out.

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The beach house Boys rocked up straight from Sumatra, fun, fun, fun and a couple of very late getups, also one very early getup when my phone rings, “our dinghy is gone,””sure your in the right place?” Then half an hour later, 0400 mind you, “the motor won’t start,” I found Jimmy and some chick paddling it, “Hey Rod, what are you doing out here, are you just driving around?” Classic, gave them a nice steady tow and that’s how we ended up finding Wats Bar, a very busy little place which seems to have all the super yacht mob as its clientele, tried hoola hooping, not much chop at that anymore.

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Hubert senior is the Austrian BBQ champion, I think for a few years too, he is onto it, his fish is winner winner chicken dinner.I reckon those guys ate pretty well with father on board.

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The Persians came back, Drew from Langkawi rolled up and The Muscats were here to. Then the bay filled up with Aussies, Kokomos as well for Australia Day.

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Jen had a cold and I was getting it so a pretty tame one this year, although Hubert and I went over to G&T for a party that night, BBQ ribs to die for, Nok cooked them to perfection, Nook was in charge of fireworks, it was hooting fun, Toi knows how to turn on a show, thanks mate. Check the photo, they let him out and he now lives in Phuket.

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The next few days were in quarantine, smashed with the cold, first time sick, besides a crook guts, for a couple of years for both of us, luckily there were some waves so two to three hours out at airport reef sweating my arse off for a few days did wonders.

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Alex also took me scuba diving, that clears all the snot out of your head big time. Saw a tiny little fancy pants, pointed it out to my dive instructor but he wasn’t interested, reckons I must be easily pleased.

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Jen’s Cauliflower cheese’s make a nice change to larb moo and a couple of nacho’s have gone down a treat as well.

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Have been reading a bit, three excellent Ian Rankin, I think that is about it for him until he brings out a newt, spewed the other day when I bought one I was sure I hadn’t read and after a couple of pages I knew what was going to happen, bugger, a couple of Mo Hayder, Pig Island is good, The Treatment is horror. The latest Jack Reacher which I am sorry to say was crap, The Crossing by Michael Connelly is a ripper same as Osama by Chris Ryan, a couple of new authors to me, Sue Grafton and Lisa Gardner are pretty bloody good as well. Pretty hard to read all the Sue Grafton in order but started with T is for trespass, U is for Undertow and all the way back to B is for Burgular.

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They probably go to Z is for something will just have to keep the eyes peeled. The latest book is A time to die by Robert Moore, which I think might be a true story but I make a point of not reading covers, just look at the pictures. Yep a true story about The Kursk submarine, good read.

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Scrubbed the boat the other day, spent a few hours with flippers and a noodle and a new scraper doing the top foot or so, then Alex set me up with a full tank of air and off I went, bargain it was like I was shearing the hull, some of the stuff was close to an inch thick, the props and sail drives come up smicko and Boomerang is ready to go.

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Might be sooner than later, Manny just called and looks like we are going for a spin, geez the anchor is going to be covered in heaps of slime but you get that when you park up for close to six weeks, just see how it goes.

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Christ it was blowing its arse off, twenty five knots, one reef in and just hitting ten knots, good fun little spin, the kids got to have a drive on the way back to the anchorage where it is just getting to fifteen knots, chucked the anchor back in, ended up to close for comfort to a neighbour, so pull it back up and do it again, it has been a while and wasn’t missed by Alex and Char, bit embarrassing but no one else noticed.

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We have now said goodbye to The Persians, they’re off back home, we had a beer with them at the airport. Hope you have as much fun as we did back in the land of no smells

 

 

 

 

 

Want a rant, heres a rant.

14th February 2015.

Happy Birthday Retep and Sabrina Hahn.

Had a biggy last night and up early for Roots and Shoots, cancel hire car, then bacon and eggs and good old baked beans on toast, on Persian Sands with birthday boy, then listen to Tales From The Tinny, then listen to Australia smash the poms, all without a beer. It’s almost like we are back at home.

A pretty uneventful week, bit of shopping, organized our new solar panels and some really good engine soundproofing for the genset. We now have our dates for hauling out, 19th March to 3rd April at G&T, over at Ao Poh, which is on the eastern side of Phuket. We met Toi, who has been recommended to us by so many people that you’d have to be a dickhead to go anywhere else. She is onto it and I reckon that the tasks I’ve set for her and her team are doable with the time we have between tides. We can only enter their yard with a 1.9 metre tide and of course the same for leaving, so we will get a couple of weeks to get the boat wet and dried and polished top to bottom, anti foul raised 100mm, service the sail drives and props and the doors to the saloon refurbished. It would have been great to get the saloon floor done too, but not enough time.

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Caught up with the Sandys at Yacht Haven, I copped a couple of flicks on the fored from Fay, as you would expect, they are slowly getting there, with most jobs done before they head home for a bit, Fay’s son is going to be spewing when he gets his boardies, they are pink not watermelon, Poor bastard. Dave rang me today and was telling me about Fayzy’s disappearing act while she was washing the boat, so pissed off I missed it, she has fallen down between the jetty and the hull and found herself stuck surrounded by oysters and couldn’t get out, took three of them to haul her sorry arse back up onto the jetty, Dave reckons he didn’t laugh, I would have pissed myself. Go Shirl.

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Poor old Boomerang is looking a bit dull having not had a wash for a month or so, it hasn’t rained for ages, so arced up the Spectra water maker and filled the tanks, then gave her a big lather up, the salt was pretty thick up the front, tastes great, and the dirt that came off was amazing, she is all back to squeaky clean, next need to do the waterline again as the beard is coming back. Nai Yang Bay really gets the growth happening, not sure why. Could be all us yachties swimming, shitting, pissing in the water but I just dunno. Hence the raising of the anti foul line, we are a bit overloaded but I just can’t come to grips with getting rid of some of the stuff we have on board. Need to have a garage sale, that would be better than just giving it away or even worse, chucking it. I reckon it might be harder to extract money out of a some of these yachty types than out of the locals anyway, so not much point trying. Just raise the waterline.

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Have now got onto live streaming, so ABC 720 Perth is on all day long, they have the best shows and it doesn’t surprise me that even Victorians tune in to it. Last week Sabrina Hahn was on Who Are You, a segment on Geoff Hutchison’s show, it was a pearler, check it out. Then you wait a bit and Gillo comes on with some good and different topics and of course the laugh. Dave Warner was on the other day, he has got a show on in the Festival of Perth called The King And Me, they also did a show at the Charles Hotel, spewing we missed that. We went on You Tube and watched some of his stuff, unreal banana peel, an excellent arvo, the reworked Mugs Game is a classic. Who would have guessed Shapell was a thieving bitch and look where it got her, superb lyrics Dave Warner.

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Saturdays we tune in to Wolfy and Sabrina for Roots and Shoots, then flick over to ABC Darwin 105.7 for a mp3 recording and get a mullet up us on Tales From The Tinny, one of the best shows around, funny as. These guys have got it sussed, taking the piss out of others and more often themselves. This bara season looks like being a ripper. When I used to work, I had ABC 720 on all day and if this is the closest thing to once again being gainfully employed so be it, suits me to a tee. One of the most enjoyable things to hear on the radio is the cricket and that was one opening game by the Aussies, flogging the poms, yeew yeew, nothing better, the next thing that needs to be done is someone needs to belt Jeffery bloody Boycott, what a wanker, he was using the big stage to bag the physical training coach of his beloved team which in itself was pretty poor and then it was all because the guy reckons he rants a bit, he is so far up himself he doesn’t even realise he rants on about crap all the time, he better be commentating the pom’s and not us, that would be the end of the wireless for me. I reckon he is probably in love with Stuart Broad as well, can’t stop praising the cheating prick and paying out on the crowd for booing him, it was only The Ashes we lost, dickhead. I had just about forgotten about Broad but now, thanks to Jeffery, all Australians should stand up and boo at the top of our lungs every time Broad goes near the ball. Also love how that weird arse Kiwi umpire has been dumped and delegated to the 3rd ump, although he will probably stuff it up anyway.

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We have found the Nai Yang version of Bangalore Road. Down the end of the street are a few bars with lots of waitress’s trying to get you to partake in a cleansing ale or twenty, Alex the German pointed out the girls and the lady boys, lucky for me because if I was that way inclined, I had a 50/50 chance of sleeping with a bloke, couldn’t believe it, stuff that.

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There are some good restaurants and bars down the strip and all the food tastes the same, thats because it all comes from our mate at the Bank Restaurant, she’s a beaut. We also have Madam Karen, ph 0980343699, who is a wheeler dealer around this neck of the woods. She can hire cars, bikes, supply laundry services and get you fed.

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Were down there the other day watching a fire twirling show and at the end they let some crackers off that were up a tree, a bloody great chunk of tree hit me in the back so Jen and I moved a bit further away and as I turned to watch the show another chunk smashed my glass which was in my hand on it’s way to me gob, everyone made a fuss but no freebie, wonder what third party cover they would have had. Like the rest of the place, bugger all.

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Had Retep’s birthday with premature drinks and celebrations for him at the OK Bar, Jen got the band to sing happy birthday, a very merry night as you can probably see, which definitely put a dampener on his actual birthday day celebrations which started 0900 with B&E&BB’S on toast, and ended with beers at old mates at the markets and a feed at Heng Heng, which was so spicy the beers were used just to quell the burn. Wit, ph 0805332575, rolled up with his son, Number Five, and drove us home in the revamped Tuk Tuk. Its now got newly covered seats and is looking very flash. The Persians gave them a soccer ball and some clothes, which they loved.

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An early night means an early morning, had a SUP for and hour or so, heaps harder to catch small waves than bigger ones so it takes it out of you, low tide too and not real keen on standing in a foot of water on the coral, so headed back, polished the staino up front, scrubbed the beard off the waterline and sat back to listen to the cricket, SA and Zimbabwe with a beer or two. I want to see the catch the bloke in the orange shirt, with his hat on and a beer in his left hand, plucked from the sky with his right, as reported by an excellent commentator, Ebony, who just happens to be a chick, wonder what Jeffery thinks about that?